Why is it that the person we see in the mirror is so different to the person that we think we are?
“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” This is a pretty common saying – I've
found myself saying it again and again – but what do we really mean by that?
Do I see the same image of a person that you do when we look at them? Or is the visual image filtered through the layers and layers of other things going on in the interaction? For instance - have you met this person before, do you like them, are they happy, have you had a bad day, do you like their clothing, when was the last time you fought, has she lost weight? … All those deeply philosophical questions.
Why is it that almost every one of the girls I have spoken to about this (and most of the boys too) are insecure about themselves? It’s a question just about everyone has asked themselves – how do you convince that friend who’s really beautiful but just can’t see it no matter how much you tell them? Do you do the same thing when people compliment you? When was the last time you took someone's compliment at face value and accepted that they really and truly were telling you the absolute truth as they saw it?
I have this image in my head of a confident, beautiful and worthy person. But when I look in the mirror and everything that I've been taught, every image the media has pushed at us, every disparaging remark from the people I've met comes flooding to the forefront of my mind, and the beauty I thought I would see has been replaced by a Plain Jane, too fat and too different to be beautiful.
So tonight, I set out to try and isolate the difference. Granted all I had was a bathroom and a camera, but I figured that was enough to give me an idea. Was it the angle, the lighting, the expression? Turns out the best one of the first lot was the duck face I pulled in exasperation. And there’s no way that counts.
I tried thinking positively, and that seemed to work a little better – if only because I forgot to smile. I kept going, and somehow I felt I was starting to look better, but the camera wasn't keeping up. It seemed to me that even though I could now look at myself in the mirror and see a gorgeous scintillating woman, and I could even look at the camera screen and see a pretty young girl, in the moment that the camera captured the image, the heart and soul dropped out of the picture and I immediately started to think that I look horrible.
I have had a unique experience today. I've gotten to see myself as 4 different people at once. The person I think I am when I’m looking out of my eyes – the elegant and confident she-wolf. The woman in the mirror – the dignified and graceful Lipizzaner mare. The girl the camera shows while I'm taking my picture – the sassy and mischievous vixen. And finally, the water buffalo that stares out of the frozen image at me. The only thing that I can think is that this is a matter of mind over matter (as all things are in the end).
The power of the human mind is such that it can do anything. But what it chooses to do at the moment is show me the gradual dilution of the energy that makes up me. When I’m happy, and I’m dressed up nicely and made up, I feel stronger, sexier, more confident. So of course my own self image is going to reflect that – until reality intrudes. But it is interesting to see the stages.
My working theory at the moment is that since what a camera does is freeze and capture a moment in time, it doesn’t allow the full impact of a person’s personality through. I have friends that have the most amazing energy and are incredibly attractive in person, but the moment they get on camera they lose all of that and end up looking like … well… a buffalo. And then I know people that are physically attractive, and take wonderful pictures, but don’t have quite as much of a vibrant personality, which makes them less attractive to me in person. Maybe the people that I know that take nice photos have simply learnt to project their personality through the screen at us.
Long story short, it seems pretty clear to me that beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder. Or maybe the presence. As the viewer is removed from the immediate presence of an attractive person, it lessens the impact that their personality has upon us. And if a large portion of their attractiveness is in their personality and their presence, then of course it won't translate as well.
The disclaimer: I choose to think that my opinion is valid, simply because it makes me feel better about myself. Yes, this blog is very heavily self-centred. That's the point. If your opinion is different from mine, then feel free to tell me where you think I’m wrong and why. I like to see other people's points of view, and discussion and debate on these things is welcomed.
Wikipedia states:
“Beauty is a characteristic of a person, animal, place, object, or idea that provides a perceptual experience of pleasure or satisfaction. Beauty is studied as part of aesthetics, sociology, social psychology, and culture. An "ideal beauty" is an entity which is admired, or possesses features widely attributed to beauty in a particular culture, for perfection.
“Beauty is a characteristic of a person, animal, place, object, or idea that provides a perceptual experience of pleasure or satisfaction. Beauty is studied as part of aesthetics, sociology, social psychology, and culture. An "ideal beauty" is an entity which is admired, or possesses features widely attributed to beauty in a particular culture, for perfection.
The experience of "beauty" often involves an interpretation of some entity as being in balance and harmony with nature, which may lead to feelings of attraction and emotional well-being. Because this can be a subjective experience, it is often said that "beauty is in the eye of the beholder."
There is evidence that perceptions of beauty are evolutionarily determined, that things, aspects of people and landscapes considered beautiful are typically found in situations likely to give enhanced survival of the perceiving human's genes.”
